This family is dead.
It just is.
Just had Thanksgiving dinner, and there was no atmosphere. Nothing. It was sad and pathetic, it felt nothing like I wanted it to. If I knew this was going to happen I would’ve avoided suggest having one in the first place. It’s sad, it really is. Every birthday or Christmas or any holiday I sit through, it sucks. I’m either at some party with a bunch of people I don’t really know or sitting here with my broken family, both suck.
I honestly need a friend that I can be emotional to, someone I can actually hug and be all sentimental. because now I’m feeling sad and regretful. There’s not one person I know that I can actually hug right now and say “man I’m about to breakdown here” without asking what the fuck and calling me a faggot. These are the people I’ve built and put around myself. I’m glad I don’t have to deal with drama or other people’s emotional bullshit but I realize a long time ago that I’m not much better than anyone else, or maybe I’m even worse.
Anyway, though I feel that her devotion to her religion heavily contributed to where we are right now, I hope my mother finds happiness in it. There’s absolutely nothing I can do to make her happy, and that just tears me apart. We have idle chit chat and the times I bother to try I manage to make her laugh, but I feel like it’s just there. Later on we’ll see each other and be like “meh”.
Just blegh.
